Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
