Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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