Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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