Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if only i could text you this smell
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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