what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize