UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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