We're facebook friends in real life
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
