i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
