I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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