my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
