How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
