dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
