Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
