i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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