1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's always time for handjobs
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
