Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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