I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
