the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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