I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
