I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize