Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize