My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
