I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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