summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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