Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
