Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
