I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just pynch a tree in the face
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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