I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize