The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
