Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize