my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
