I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
