Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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