Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
