dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
