At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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