I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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