I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize