We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
