what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
