So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
