This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
