We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
