I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
