If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
