Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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