I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
