Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
