I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just high enough for therapy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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