I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize