You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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