i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
