Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
this hospital has no fireball
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
