We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
