Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wish my penis had a tongue
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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