You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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