she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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