we're making bets on your personal life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
