Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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