so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
