I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I love you.
Bad choice
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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