At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
