this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
