Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize