i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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