someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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