Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
