An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
