So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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