i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
