Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
