So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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