Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
