1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
