i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
