i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
