mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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