So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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