Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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