I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I did not marry a roomba.
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