all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
