guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
