Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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