he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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