Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I believe in your delicious
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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