You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
