This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
