Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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