so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize