He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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