I skipped work to stalk him.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize