If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
