hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
