That's intense
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
