I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
