You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize