ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize