I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
