I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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