no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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