It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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