Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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